You cannot grow older disgracefully if you have no confidence to do so, and confidence comes from self-love and high self-esteem. Nothing else.

How many of us cannot bear to see ourselves in a mirror, cannot stand to hear our voices coming back at us, or to see ourselves in a photo or on a video? Too few people like what they see or hear of themselves. In fact, one famous actress said she never watches her films at all as she cannot bear to see how she acts. Luckily for her, the paying public takes a different view, otherwise no one would bother to watch her performances.

We are all beautiful and unique beings, made in the image of our god, universe, nature or whatever we believe in. But some higher power is at the back of us somewhere because our body is nothing short of amazing. Everyone has some beauty which is uniquely theirs. We tend to seek the approval of others for our existence, especially when we are younger and need help in making our way into the world. That personal need follows us into old age where we continue to wait for people to approve of us before we like ourselves. But self-love and self-respect are the key items which keep us as young as possible They not only bring out the best in us, they also give us a deep feeling of oneness and happiness in ourselves which gradually affects our well-being and our interaction with others.

When we love ourself, we give permission for others to love us too, to appreciate our strengths and weaknesses, and to enhance that sense of worth and significance we all seek. Many people undervalue themselves and use either their parents or their lovers to set the standard of acceptability for them. They deliberately ignore their strengths, preferring to focus on their perceived weaknesses, to the extent that if their relationship is 'failing', they are likely to blame themselves for it too.

If they were not loved and affirmed as children, they are also likely to see themselves as unworthy and inferior to siblings or friends, always lagging behind while clinging to the judgements of significant others in a constant comparison with them. As they become older, that negative reaction would have cemented itself inside their heads and then their self-esteem takes a battering. By the time they are in their 50s or 60s, the weight of the world is likely to be upon their shoulders, helped by their loneliness, anxieties, endless problems and low opinion of themselves. In fact, the biggest tell-tale sign of this unhappiness is likely to be extra weight gain. As the weight piles on, they feel even more unattractive to themselves and to others. Gradually, their feelings begin to affect their health when the negative reaction of others unwittingly makes their fears come true in an unrelenting cycle of self-loathing.

Consequences of Lacking Self-Love
Self-love is crucial because it leads to a love of our bodies and talents. It also frees us to stop focusing upon what we lack, while we accept ourselves as the beautiful and wondrous beings we are. When we love ourselves we are likely to nurture our bodies, to be proud of who we are and to nurture others too for who they are. If we have little self-love we are hardly likely to have much love to give either. In fact, people without self-love tend to be more self-centred and uncomfortable with their surroundings, finding constant fault with their environment, nit-picking at others and whingeing eternally about the 'good old days' and what should be happening now. The present is never quite adequate, despite our phenomenal inventions and benefits.

Again, people without self-love are usually reluctant to learn new things because their identity is attached to a past life which would unravel if they strayed too far from their anchor, or were challenged to change their outlook. They tend to live in fear of new innovations while feeling confused and bewildered by rapid change. The extreme ones are likely to make people around them feel inadequate because they are still striving for what they wanted in their earlier life and haven't yet achieved. Believing they have lost their opportunities forever, they tend to be full of regret and will continually expect their children to chase those lost dreams. More likely, they will expect anyone they value to live up to the impossible standards they have set themselves in order to feel better and to fuel their sense of significance.

This kind of behaviour is not so surprising when loving the self is not an easy thing to do. It is very difficult to change years of negative treatment and a lack of reinforcement into something positive and wholesome. Someone once said that we are prisoners of our own experiences. If we were brought up on persistent abuse, we will assume that behaviour to be not only morally right, but we would also regard it as the accepted practice everywhere else too. That perception would hold until our life experience widens sufficiently to show us otherwise.

It seems that at least 42% of people fear ageing. That's nearly half of our population in the UK. Yet, like death, age is an inevitable part of our existence. We cannot NOT age just as we have to die. So the only way to treat those two elements of our existence is to accept them as willingly, happily and joyously as we do life because ALL THREE come as a package. We cannot have any one without the other. The minute we accept life, we accept ageing and death. If we constantly remind ourselves of that, and live each day as it comes, life will be more enjoyable because we won't spend it worrying and stressing. We'll spend it on living to the best of our ability.

Apparently, we fear ageing because it is usually associated with illnesses and ill health rather than anything vibrant, energetic and sexy. We also see many people who have not aged very well and immediately assume that we will age like that too, forgetting our own individuality. But there is no single blueprint for ageing. Ageing begins in the mind and the body then follows suit so that, quite simply, we age how we think. It means that people with 'fragile', 'victimlike' or negative thought processes, who write themselves off at certain ages, or fear the actual process, are going to age quite differently, and more rapidly, from those who feel strong, confident, aspirational, worthy and enhanced.

Furthermore, society brainwashes us into the desirability of being young through its focus on the young, especially by the media and entertainment industries, and we accept it meekly instead of asserting our presence. We also worry about ageing skin, being incapacitated by our age and having to retire and lose our status, job and friends. Most important, we worry about being excluded, unwanted and insignificant. So instead of welcoming old age as another important phase of our life, where we can set the rules to please ourselves, we dread it and fear it, which then affects the quality of that life in a negative way.

Yet it is not the actual age we are which should be the focus of our lives but the age we choose to live and wish to be. Personally, I can't wait to celebrate my 62nd birthday next year because age has never dictated my life. It certainly provided a direction but it isn't the route. My new motto of "Over-Sixty, Sexy, Savvy and Soaring!" shows where I'm going! What a time I am having being older because I do not live according to the fears or limitations of others. My own beliefs and expectations guide my life. I am determined to make the most of every precious day and, interestingly, people tend to think that I am at least 20 years younger, and treat me accordingly. So the only predictable box I am ever going to be slotted into is the one at my funeral!

As we age inside our heads first and our bodies dutifully follow, how we are perceived is entirely personal. Chronologically, we might be a certain age, but it is up to each one of us how old we really wish to be in our attitude and actions, because that's how we will be treated by everyone else. We have this incredible developing world dominated by technology yet are still back there somewhere, trying to use old mindsets around ageing to cope with the new innovations.

For me, there are three main causes of ageing.

First and most important is the brainwashing people have from society and the media around the ageing process.

As soon as we are born, we soon learn about the negative things we can expect from being older, because of society's fear around ageing. Everything is supposed to get worse, fall off, droop south or just stay droopy! There is nothing positive associated with ageing, so everyone is directly and indirectly taught to fear it, mainly because of its connection with ill health, physical degeneration, compulsory retirement and exclusion from the wider society. Not surprisingly, people come to dread the ageing process and precipitate it in more negative ways through their attitude. I bet if we were told we would live forever when we are born we would have a different mindset about ageing!

Second, we age through our thoughts first and then our bodies follow.

The world is built from our thoughts. We cannot get anything good, or a positive life, from negative thinking, especially through our negative labels. We need to get rid of that 'old' label and think in youthful terms. A guy I spent some time talking to kept saying "You can't teach an old dog like me new tricks." Not only did he look older than his age but he acted it. Whatever he kept saying was becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy because he certainly had a closed mind. If you see yourself as 'old' and 'useless', your body will happily oblige. That is why some older people are extremely youthful and agile because they refuse to conform to age boxes.

Most of the illnesses we have are induced by the mind. A long time back we started fearing getting older, fearing certain illnesses, telling ourselves that by a certain age some painful things are going to start happening. We focus on them constantly, dreading them daily, instead of on the positive things out there and the great health we are enjoying. Then a few years later they all fall into place exactly as expected. Sadly, by that time, we would have forgotten that we brought them into being by our continuous focus upon them. The powerful mind is what dictates the quality of our life and when we use it to think negatively, negative events are all we are likely to get.

Third, we age through not sufficiently using our brain and other faculties.

Many people, especially when they retire, stop using their brains, memories and problem-solving faculties. They stop dreaming and aspiring, and often live a completely sedentary fearfful life. Of course, the quality of their life deteriorates much quicker. If we don't use it we lose it and that is the biggest cause of both mental and physical ageing, the way we CHOOSE to live as we get older.

We might age physically according to our natural years, but it is our thoughts, expectations and activities that determine how much we really age in every other aspect.

Many older women often worry about whether to dye their hair or not. But it shouldn't be any kind of issue. Dying one's hair is like any fashion statement: we go with what makes us comfortable. We do not have any angst about dying our hair in different shades when we are younger. We do it even without thinking to experiment, to be in vogue, or to keep a certain shade fresh and attractive. Getting older should be no different in that regard.

I love my age and am actually enjoying getting older. I do not have any wish to be back in my younger days, neither do I envy others the age they might be. My hair has been graying only at the front, just above my forehead, nowhere else. I find that pretty annoying, as I would like it to be either all gray or all black. So, clearly as a matter of choice, I dye my hair for consistency. When it is all gray, I will probably keep it that way.

I think the way we look is highly related to the way we feel about ourselves, the mood we are in or the desire to experiment. When it comes to new clothes or a new hairstyle, we should not get into fossilised, unmoving ways of restricting our choices. We should do whatever feels natural, comfortable and beautiful. the esence of being is to live who we wish tobe. Life is too short to be rigidly sticking to anything to prove a point, to conform to expectations or to please anyone else. Live it, I say, to the max, and if dyeing your hair is part of that objective, just go for it and wear it with pride!

Tell me one thing you can do at 25 that you won't be able to, or can't, do at 50!

I have always boasted about my age, feeling proud of who I am and gradually becoming a champion of change and ageing until a lady put things in true perspective. I am 60 years old. I shout it to the world and will keep shouting it even when I am 90. That attitude is no easy feat in ageist Britain, where people are written off as soon as they reach 50! I envy America so much when I see people of all ages achieving, making their mark and still enjoying their lives at any age, even though there are many there who still fear getting older. But this lady really uplifted me.

I was shopping in my local mall some months ago and popped into a health store to get something. A very small Chinese lady was talking to the shop assistant rather animatedly, and excitedly, about something that would happen 'in 14 years time'. I only caught the last part of the conversation and was only paying half attention to it, being no business of mine. She was stressing the 14 years for some reason and, mentally, I looked at her and calculated that she would be about 62 when that time came. She looked between 48 and 50 now, having no tell-tale grey hairs, with a ready smile which easily lit up her kindly face and a very sunny disposition. Yes, I felt sure she would be in her 60s 14 years from now.

Then the shop assistant asked her matter-of-factly how old she was now.

"84 years old," she flashed back chirpily, without batting an eyelid, and nearly floored me! If we were shocked, we tried not to show it. I stood there trying not to gaze at this woman too awkwardly as my own perception was put to the test. It was not lost on us both that she would be 98 at the time of the event she was talking about, and it didn't seem to bother her in the least. She was planning for it, looking forward to it, and was excited about it. No wonder she looked so amazing.

She just took her life as it comes and was enjoying every minute! This woman was so adorable and inspiring. I thought people like her should be sent round the country to all the others fretting selfishly about their age to challenge their fears. She would certainly alter their perception and certainly reinforced mine!

Life after 25 years old
At 61 years old I cannot think of a single thing I used to do at 25 which I cannot do now. So I am challenging you to tell me what I personally cannot do now that I might have done then. For a start I am single and not even when I was 20 did I get as many offers for dates as I have now; desire for sex is still high - too much sometimes ..lol! I run up and down stairs, I walk very briskly everywhere I go, and run if I wish to, I think so fast my brain cannot cope sometimes and my young staff couldn't keep up with me mentally when I had my business.

Furthermore, I have no aches of any kind, especially backache which plagues many older people, I do my own simple exercises three times weekly which keeps me in shape, I dance a lot, I eat healthily and - voila! - here I am as gorgeous and scintillating as ever! The only thing physically different is that I have grey hairs and there is always the hair dye, if I don't want them.

But I tell you what has changed since I was 25: I am far more knowledgeable, far more confident and assured, more beautiful, empathetic and far more loving. What on earth would I wish to go back to 25 years for? Nothing at all I can think of because I am going to look and feel exactly the same even when I am 70 and 80. The reason? Because we are the ones who age ourselves by our thoughts and actions.

Let me repeat that again, slowly: YOU age yourself according to whether you fear ageing or welcome it. The more you fear ageing, the more negative your thoughts will be, the more anxious you'll feel, the more you lower your constitution, the worse you feel and, ipso facto, the more rapidly you age! Ageing is inevitable, if we are still alive. But the rate at which we age, and precisely how we look, is entirely down to us. We are all unique beings so it isn't automatic that you are going to look like any older person you see now!

Well, if I am still alive in 10 years time you'll be able to tell me whether I was wrong about how I will look and feel. But right now I couldn't give a hoot about my age. I am too busy just enjoying my life and being thankful for it.

Over to you about your fears. Let's have them right out in the open now and see if they hold any water! Send me an email and answer the challenge. :o)

I have to agree with that because getting older for me is more important than dying early. I LOVE ageing, and must be the only woman on earth enjoying being 61! My latest picturess can be seen here.

We age inside our head first through the quality of our thoughts and out body follows. So if we dread ageing, dread our natural evolution, and fear everything to do with advancing gracefully, or disgracefully, we will age very badly, because we cannot get positivity out of negative thoughts. You will get exactly what you think about, so be careful what you dwell on. Many people don't enjoy the ageing process because they are so busy worrying about getting old, and fearing it, they have no time to appreciate their life in all its amazing forms. But one important thing to note is this: Dead people don't age. So if you are still alive (one of my sisters died at 36, and both my parents are dead) PLEASE give thanks and appreciate it. Life is not a guarantee, it is a gift. That's why it's called 'the present'.

So which would you prefer, to be dead or to age? It really is about giving thanks for the life we already have and appreciating the awesome beings we are, rather than just focusing on the perceived negatives of it and being continuously unhappy. We really miss so much of life and our true potential with such a narrow focus. Life goes in a strict cycle. There is birth, growth, maturity, ageing and then we die. That was the deal when we were born, take it or leave it. Many don't even make it past 40 years and, even worse, young men have the highest suicide rate between ages 24 and 25 in Britain. The best we can do about that gift of life is to appreciate it fully, make the most of each day and leave a legacy for others, rather than merely worrying about ourselves in a selfish way.

(An excerpt from my diary to share with those who might fear ageing!)

(Part 1)

Today is the last day of my 59th year. It is also the last day of my 6th decade and it feels a little strange. I cannot believe that 10 years have gone by so quickly. But at the pace at which I breathe, think, grow and live, everything feels like being in fast forward! Exhilarating and simply delicious.

Not surprisingly I couldn't sleep. I have all kinds of thoughts and feelings fluttering about inside me waiting for expression, but fear, apprehension or sadness isn't one of them. No, siree, I don't do fear and sadness when it comes to ageing. I feel excited, thrilled, overawed, amazed, wondrous, fantastic, grateful, expectant, incredible and joyful - and those are just the words that spring to mind right now. To think that I am on the threshold of 60 years yet I feel like a teenager, someone waiting for the greatest moment in her life instead of merely being 'older'. I feel as though the sky is my absolute limit and I am about to embark on one of the most fulfilling phases of my existence. And I cannot wait for it to begin. Though I live on my own, I have never felt so excited about an upcoming birthday. Am I mad or wot?

For that reason, I have decided to do something I have never done before. Rather than lying in bed trying vainly to sleep, trying to suppress the myriad of thoughts that are fighting for space in my head, I decided to record them instead in a personal blog. Quite unlike all my other writings, this is to record my feelings over the next two days of crossing a threshold many people fear, especially women: that of being 60. It is such a major milestone mainly because if people expect you to be on your last legs in your 50s, to crawl under an 'old age' label and stay there, to play the 'old woman,' by your 60s you are expected to lie down quietly and be seen and not heard. Sixty year old women are not expected to voice opinions (too old), not to be in love (wot?), not to shag themselves silly (wot's that?), not to be sexy, alive and beautiful. No sireee. But not moi, dear folks.

I am moving from Fit, Fab, Over-Fifty and Ready to Fly (the current motto on my websites) to being Sixty, Sexy, Savvy and Soaring. I will be shouting it from the rooftops and living every word with gusto. The only conventional box I am going to allow myself to be fitted into is the one that will put me six foot under, and that's a long time in the future. Until then, like the title of my latest book, I will be busy living and behaving disgracefully!

Women Who Fear Ageing
It means a lot to me to record these thoughts, but I have to be disciplined with them because they are running riot in my head as I write. So many, many thoughts to put to paper, yet I only want to give life to a few that really matter now, this moment. These thoughts will probably mean a lot to the millions of other women (and men) who fear ageing, but it will also be a kind of reckoning for me. I read about someone recently who was in her mid-30s and was dreading ageing. She said something which pained me greatly: that she would rather die than age. Such was her fear of ageing, perhaps based on unpleasant older lives she might have witnessed, she would even give up life for it. Very, very sad.

Even Nora Ephron, the accomplished American author, wrote a book in 2006 (when she was 65), titled I Feel Bad About My Neck, where she mainly cites the negatives of getting older. I found that so tragic, that a woman with so much to be grateful for could feel so badly about herself, then use her influence to encourage others to feel badly too.

Well, there's nothing wrong with my neck. It is a beautiful part of the beautiful me! I have no wrinkles anywhere on my body, and everywhere on me is fabulous: my face, my teeth, my boobs, my legs, my body. Just amazing, because I have thought it into being. I feel so great about my intellect, my body and me, if it weren't for my children feeling embarrassed, and also giving the 'wrong' message to all those serious, posh business people I know, I would offer to be a Sun Page 3 woman (not girl!) and bare all.

Those two women obviously haven't lived my life, or had my thoughts, otherwise they would want to spend every single year, every single month and every single day that they might have left, in sheer joy, gratitude and wonder. So I do hope these personal thoughts of mine, about what I call 'positive ageing', will change some of those negative perspectives about one of the best times of our lives.

These thoughts are very important for me, not least at the end of the next decade, to remind me of where I am coming from, to compare notes on how I feel then with now, and to point out where I'm heading. You see, I believe that, at 70, I will not only feel the same but I will actually look the same, without any changes. Sounds incredible? Watch me. I wish I had a similar log at the end of my 40th decade to compare with now, because what a contrast it would have been. Wowee. There is a vast difference between today and the last day of being 49 in April 1998, as a quick review shows.

Rapid Recall of the Decade
The start of my last decade, though fulfilling, was dogged by pain: the pain of a marriage I was no longer enjoying, the pain of a business that was wildly fluctuating, the pain of feeling loveless and alone, the pain of gradually discovering a new me that sought expression but remained repressed and the pain of important decisions crying out to be made. I was at a crossroads, lost and bewildered, but it would be four more years before I would feel able to act.

The LOWS
- Sad eyes that didn't match my smile and a much bigger body.
- Diagnosed with diabetes, like my mother and grandmother.
- My daughter stopped talking to me without telling me why.
- Carried trauma from my childhood for 38 years and slowly let them out for the first time, with the help of someone else. Cried buckets for a week.
- Mother died from a diabetic stroke.
- My sister, Annette (36 years), died
- Left the marriage. It was 33 years, and counting.
- Son stopped talking to me too
- Worst Christmas ever, 2002, alone and missing my children
- My father passed away peacefully from a broken heart.
- Filed for divorce
- Said reluctant goodbye to a dear friend who had been my anchor. Life carried on.
- Business collapsed after 12 years, went into hibernation for three months
- Decree nisi through.
- Very ill for the whole of 2007. Body began rejecting diabetic medication (both insulin and tablets). Told by doctor I was a 'special case', never seen anyone like me. For a week my readings were at coma levels. Was told by nurse to 'have ambulance standing by'. Very sad and surreal.

The HIGHS
- A wonderful surprise 50th birthday party given for me by my family.
- Published a book for an American about the treatment of his mother in a veteran's hospital, Regina's Record. A most amazing collaboration across the globe via the Internet, and with very little resources too.
- Addressed students at the University of Mankato
- Went to Venice for a wonderful romantic holiday with ex. Hopes of better things between us.
- My sister Carmen came to Britain for the first time
- My sister Marjorie visited me in Britain for a wonderful holiday
- Lost nearly two stones (26 lbs) in weight within a year of leaving home. Looking fabulous.
- Pioneer address to MPs and others in the House of Commons on diversity issues.
- Keynote speech at UNESCO's awesome Global Women's Leadership Conference in Paris. Inspirational experience.
- Went to Canada to promote my new book, a wonderful trip
- Read 62 books on self awareness and development
- Formulated SAVI concept and emphasis on Emotional Health for greater wellbeing
- Pioneering writing on Emotional Health and its close connection to confidence, self esteem and feelings of value
- Another book published - 10 easy Steps to...Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!
- Invitation as keynote speaker by Bermuda's Chamber of Commerce to address their top 100 women. An amazing unexpected honour.
- 10 easy steps to...Growing Older Disgracefully! is published.
- (2008) Still no proper medication; living on borrowed time in view of what happened to my Mom.

HIGHS=17, LOWS=15 Balance Sheet=+2 (Not bad! Could have been much worse)

From a searing, roller coaster start, my fifties has ended on a calm, resolute note mainly filled with achievements, greater knowledge of who I am, what I want and where I wish to be. The only fly in the ointment is my fluctuating health, but I am determined to live every added day with joy and thanks. The years since 2004 have been marked by an absence of stress, a self awareness and self-love that are greatly empowering, a prolific level of writing and gratitude for simply coming through the turbulence: much poorer, health wobbling, missing my kids and loving them to bits, lots of self-love but much, much happier! Hallelujah!

Roll on 60s, here I come, in Part 2.