You might hear a lot about how to achieve success and, especially on the Internet, there are zillions of advice as t how to reach personal goals. But the simple steps outlined below shows how we interact with success and how we can help it to materialise. These eight steps guarantee that you have the edge over others who might be ignorant of them

Experience, and lots of achievements, have taught me that every thought and creation is marked by eight stages: 1. Excitement
2. Possibility
3. Fear
4. Belief
5. Faith
6. Action
7. Commitment
8. Result

Most people get stuck on stage 3 (FEAR) which kills both the excitement and the possibility of something good happening, so very little happens to them to reinforce the talent and ability they know they possess. Many people have few fears so they get a result EVERY TIME, even if it is not the result they expected. That only fires them up to keep trying until they get the desired outcome. There is nothing more exciting than creating your own reality, seeing an idea take life from nothing, except your thought, and watching it evolve.

Others might only reach stage two (POSSIBILITY) in their ideas but lack the encouragement or resources to take it further, so they end up without any action. A few might make it to stage six (ACTION) but lack the stickability to produce the right results, while the ones who also have four essential ingredients: self-belief, faith in their abilities (and a higher power), the willingness to pay the price in focus and commitment, and the courage and patience to see it through, will triumph in the end. They will reach a result, no matter how long it takes. If you believe it, you can create it. Your focus and thought processes will eventually find the means and resources to attempt it and your commitment will give it life. This applies particularly to finding the right soulmate.

If you believe someone special is there for you, your faith, action and commitment will bring him into your world. It's your level of resistance and non-belief that will keep him/her away. Self-belief and faith are two powerful tools in getting us what we require, but without the action to bring it to life, and the courage and commitment to stick with it, we will always remain dreamers.

There is a little saying that the loudest voices attract the most attention and there is a lot of truth in it. Learning to ask for what you want is a skill that takes time but is guaranteed to get results in a number of ways, particularly in helping you to achieve intended objectives.

Many people do not get what they want in life through simple fear: the fear of being denied it; the fear of being thought badly of by asking for it; the fear of not deserving, or being entitled to it, and fear of the consequences of asking, especially if one is not successful. Learning to speak up for yourself clearly and assertively helps to get rid of that fear, to enhance your presence among others and to ensure your are not left behind in the race of life.

There are five ways in which learning to ask for what you want gets you the results you hope for.

First, it gets you the attention you need. If you are not noticed, you are likely to be passed over by others, ignored, sidelined and deprived of what you truly deserve. Society is a very competitive one where too many people chase after too few opportunities and resources. Not asking and remaining reticent might get you to your destination, eventually, but it is likely not to get you there at all, especially if others around you are more vocal and aggressive in fulfilling their own needs!

Second, learning to ask for what you want gradually boosts your confidence to communicate with others even more successfully. Repeated successes in achieving your desires gradually increase your self-belief, raise your self-esteem and heighten your feeling of capability and competence.

Third, learning to ask for what you want makes you more assertive. By being assertive you not only stick up for your corner, but you are also sensitive to the needs of others, a key factor in assertiveness. By asserting yourself in sensitive ways, particularly in the recognition that the other person is as important as yourself, you enhance your position and ensure you are not taken for granted or denied what is due. By asserting your presence you ensure you are not invisible and reinforce your value.

Fourth, constant practice in learning to ask for what you want actually improves your interactional skills. You learn how to be assertive without fear, how to get what you want while enabling others too and how to engage others in a mutually beneficial negotiating process, where necessary. It also avoids ambiguity, helps to clarify what you seek and also your specific direction.

Finally, learning to ask for what you want helps you to achieve tangible objectives which is the cornerstone of success. The greatest results are seeing dreams and goals slowly materialise through your own endeavours. By setting specific goals and being prepared to ask for them, or work towards them, every step of the way, you are more likely to ensure their fulfilment.

On the face of it, it can seem that some words, especially negative ones, have a superficial affect because they are not as damaging as physical hurt. But words can often be far more powerful in their impact. They can actually make or break life with their effect. Any physical damage can heal with time but words usually have emotional consequences that actually affect our present and our future in two major ways:

1. Words can boost self-belief, self confidence and self esteem.
Those three states lie at the heart of success. When they are reinforced, they become much more effective and they are validated through words. If we hear words that are affirming, reinforcing of who we are and desire to be, we are likely to accept them as an accurate description of who we are, which then increases our motivation to fulfil and enhance that description even more. Positive words uplift us and empower us. They remind us of our worth and value and inspire us to find our true potential. That is why quotes and sayings by other famous and successful people are so powerful in themselves. They come from sources who have benefitted from such words, who know their true value; and they motivate us to use them in ways that can benefit us too.

Words of praise, a compliment, a thank you and words of agreement are all aspects of words being very effective in changing our behaviour and perceptions; in motivating us to rise above ourselves and in giving timely reminders of our worth and value. Positive words become the armoury that protects us from the brickbats of life and reinforce the path we seek for our own fulfilment.

2. Words that damage self-perception and esteem.
If we hear nothing but constant criticisms, put downs and negative reinforcement, words that can do long-term damage to our psyche, they will affect our perception of ourselves in a very corrosive manner to the effect that we gradually come to reject ourselves. If a child from an early age keeps hearing how useless he is, how ugly she is, how he is and how stupid she seems, they will eventually internalise such negative descriptions of themselves, they will come to believe it and actually act like it.

Words that are negative have long lasting emotional consequences in our development. They have the power to erode our confidence and self esteem by making us believe that we are not who we think we are; that we lack the capabilities we think we have and that we'll never achieve what we expect. In effect, negative words kill the spirit, especially from an early age, or in a work situation. They have the power to destroy ambition, potential and even a life.

The reason why words have the power to affect others so much is related to personal identity. We are validated by the people around us. They confirm who we are, our part in society and encourage us in what we wish to be. When we hear words which negate that identity and perception, it sets up a dissonance within us which is difficult to cope with, unless we have other positive words to the contrary that disprove the negative ones.

Some work, some do not. However, these suggestions are in a class of their own. They are very simple, yet highly effective, if they are done regularly, because they automatically lead to other things, often unexpected.

The first key is: Learn Something New Every Day of Your Life.

It was Mahatma Gandhi who said: "Live as though you will die tomorrow and learn as though you will live forever." Powerful encouraging words for our development that demonstrate the importance of learning to the quality of our lives. Trawl the Internet for information, it is the greatest repository of trivia and facts in existence, and put that knowledge to good use. If you feed your body and consider it essential, why not your brain as well? It has to do most of the work to keep your body intact.

You might have heard that knowledge is power but, for me, that is not so. To have knowledge without doing anything about it might make you more aware, but you will be no better down the line. What is truly powerful is applied knowledge, acting upon that information to make it work for you or others. While I was researching for my books, the greatest joy was seeing what other people thought about the subjects covered; being able to reject, ignore or accept their opinions and to compare them with mine to give a more balanced view. There is nothing to beat that when we are educating ourselves. Recent research has found that people who read a lot and keep an active mind are less prone to Alzheimer's disease. So keeping our brains fed and watered obviously affects our bodies too.

The second key is: Emphasise Your Strengths.

Keep away from focusing on your perceived weaknessess. BOTH your strengths and weaknesses give you that crucial balance in your personality and competence. Give yourself credit for everything you attempt, whether successful or not. At least you made the effort when you could easily have resisted. By focusing on what you can do, your efforts are applauded instead of just the end product. Starting from a base of what you should, and can, do also helps you to live within the bounds of your limitations while gradually extending them in a comfortable way. Make a list of the things you do well or want to learn, attempting one of them every day or week. It is easy to forget the things you are highly competent at doing, especially when you get little positive feedback.

Continued frustration and having to attempt things we dread, or have real difficulty with, can lead to feelings of inadequacy, especially when our success is dependent upon the approval of others. We then place all our value in their hands and sometimes wait in vain for their feedback. But if that reinforcement is not forthcoming from the significant others around us, and in the form we expect, it will destroy our positive feelings. Relying upon such feedback is what children do out of necessity, because they do not have the inner resources, maturity and life experience adults have. Being older, we have to learn how to create and maintain confidence by emphasising the things we value and appreciate in ourselves, whether it is our own names, customs, successes or endeavours. Surround yourself with positive people because negative ones will never see your perspective and will only drag you down in their own emotional mire and negativity.

The third key is: Set Realistic Goals.

Live purposefully and with clear goals. Often fear kills our motivation when we decide to dream big and so we become overwhelmed by the sheer thought of its development and what it might mean to our lives. You should always start with the basics, very simply, and progress slowly in that way. It means setting realistic goals for YOU, no one else, because you are the one who will have to work at them and achieve them.

Set goals that will meet your expectations. Small incremental successes over time will gradually improve your capabilities, self-belief and self-worth. Avoid making the same mistakes again by learning from them, while remembering that every setback makes you wiser and stronger. Keep your focus on the substance, not just on the form or the glossy structures. Any failure simply means you are not successful yet, but your turn will definitely come if you have the faith, resilience and the patience, and also take time out for regular self-development.

We have no other choice. People go after unlimited desires simply because it is programmed within them to do so.

Desires are essential to our development, our ability to create, to innovate and to grow. They are the key to our existence.

We are programmed to chase unlimited desires because the achievement of every one of them demonstrates our potential, our capacity to make things happen, to build our world and also reinforces our self-belief. Remarkably, at the same time, we are evolving through the fulfilment of those desires, developing in awesome, new ways we never thought possible. As we evolve, the results of our actions ensures that we we desire new things in order to mature and progress on our individual journey.

If we did not chase desires, or we just chased a few and stopped, we would not reach this technological stage of evolution that we now enjoy. We would have reached a plateau where nothing much would happen. We would stagnate as we lose sight of our purpose and potential. But the mere fact that we are never satisfied with life, that every fulfilment leads to even greater yearning is a clever ploy by God, Nature, the Universe or whatever, to ensure we continue to grow until the day we die; that we never rest on our laurels because we are always moving our own goalposts to new heights of excellence. Desires ensure we have no time to sit and stare, that we are always striving to develop our world and ourselves. Without desires, and the curiosity and yearning to achieve them, we would still be back in the dark ages as primitive beings.

Changing Negative Labels
Without recognition, no matter how small, we have no value in our own eyes. Many adults believe they are 'failures' because somewhere in their childhood they have been repeatedly told they are either 'stupid', 'not as clever' as their brother/sister, or they're 'heading for disaster' , etc. They internalise these negative comments and, in time, come to believe them because no one else has told them otherwise. Even as adults, they often find it difficult to change these negative labels. With few positive reference points around them where it matters, they lack the confidence to believe in themselves, regardless of their potential.

Recognition has to be continuous too. We feel wanted when our contributions seem to matter and we are encouraged to actually make such efforts. If not, we immediately feel inadequate because we begin to doubt that we are as good as we used to be. That is why many people are often less bothered about a pay rise than getting the recognition they believe they deserve. For them, the extra pay may relieve financial burdens or improve their standard of living, but it is not a true barometer of their worth, neither does it affirm their value and competence in the eyes of peers who may also be getting the same pay. Without adequate recognition, once the novelty of the pay rise passes, they would be back to having feelings of self-doubt and low morale. Thus wherever pay is given the highest priority, there will also be very anxious individuals who often use the demand for extra money to compensate for their chronic lack of recognition.

True recognition comes in the form of gradual self-discovery followed by the acknowledgement of peers and superiors. Given the recognition, Barack Obama has been on his own journey of self-discovery, tapping his inner resources to reveal the awesome leader he is. Thus, to be widely recognised for who we are and what we have achieved is the ultimate in public accolade because it often reinforces what we believe of ourself, as Obama has displayed in an amazing manner. It raises our status above others, making us potential role models to be emulated.

There will always be stars and admirers, people wanting their 15 minutes of fame because what matters to every single one of us is to be ACCEPTED, to be SIGNIFICANT and to be VALUED. When those three things are missing, there is a deviant person in the making; one who will be plagued by low confidence and, even worse, low self-esteem and the feeling of not being appreciated, being invisible and excluded. Hence the constant craving to be accepted.

Lack of confidence and a craving for recognition does not come overnight. It gradually evolves through the following eight factors, which are listed in order of the magnitude of their effect:

1. Negative life experiences. From school to home these keep you feeling frustrated and impotent, developing and polishing your feelings of inferiority and hopelessness to perfection. A lifetime of hearing: "You're no good. You can't do anything properly. You're just like your dad. You're so ugly, you can't be related to me. You're useless. You're stupid. You're not as good as your brother/sister", without any corresponding praise, would have done nothing for your morale and sense of worth.

2. Too much pressure. This usually comes from parents and/or peers to meet their demands and expectations, the ones they didn't achieve themselves, that they now wish to live through you, regardless of what you want. This deprives you of the opportunity to develop your own goals, identity, independence and autonomy.

3. Loss of a key family member or close friend. This could include your parents' break-up or even death; moving away from home for the first time and breaking up with a friend/lover. Often we do not allow ourselves time to grieve, or we blame ourselves for the event, and the consequences soon reveal themselves in other distressing ways.

4. Fear of failure. You internalise and interpret any negative result to mean that you are a 'useless' person instead of seeing yourself as a perfectly capable individual who had an off-day and can always attempt that task again, like attending another interview or learning a new skill. When your job becomes redundant you equate yourself with the uselessness of the position and see yourself as the one being rejected. Suddenly you perceive yourself as a worthless person who will never get another job again – a perception which dictates how you deal with the loss and the actual outcome.

5. Judging or criticising yourself and abilities too harshly. In your search for perfection, you never allow room for error or learning, for being a mere mortal. Instead, you mainly listen to your own negative voice, that confirms your perception and fears, when it comes to any appraisal of your efforts and worth.

6. Setting unrealistic goals for yourself. Often, this is an attempt to seek approval and attain the unreachable. However, as you may not be quite ready for them, such actions mainly encourage you to procrastinate and to lower your achievement rate. They also increase your disappointment and confirm your worst fears.

7. Negative evaluations. You assess the outcome of situations as much worse than they really are in order to confirm your deepest fears about yourself, while deliberately ignoring or downplaying your strengths.

8. Dwelling unnecessarily on negative events. For example, on your failures and disappointments, instead of using them as learning experiences. The longer you stay in the same position, the harder it is to move forward. As the saying goes: "Often we are so busy staring longingly at the closed door behind us we fail to see the open one ahead!" That is the classic case for most people who lose their jobs. Personal growth comes through a willingness to accept change from daily endeavours. But we are hampered by a fear of the consequences, a fear of taking risks, of creating opportunities and even a fear of handling success. It was Nelson Mandela, giving voice to Marianne Williamson's poignant words, when he said that our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are 'powerful beyond measure'.

"We ask ourselves," he says, "who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be?.....As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same (and) as we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others." Respect to that!

There are three key elements in any form of SUCCESS: recognition of your talent and contribution, respect for it and finally the reward to go with it. Reward matters greatly because we need something to reflect our presence, to indicate where we are on the cycle of personal development and to reinforce our worth. Hence the need for public acclaim through print, radio or television and the proliferation of so many blogs. Everyone wants to be heard. The competitive nature of society confirms and promotes this need to be somebody, especially in entertainment, business and sports.

To be rewarded for something we have done is the icing on the cake. Reward does not have to be in financial terms. In fact, praise from a parent or friend, any promotion, a 'thank you' letter from a patient showing signs of recovery, from a student completing an exam satisfactorily or the act of being recommended to someone else, are all forms of reward.

This illustrates why unemployed people, especially those made redundant, are temporarily disorientated and demoralised. Being unsure about their position in life in relation to others, and without a work 'handle', they readily believe their skills are worthless. They also lose out on vital recognition, even though the respect for past achievements may still be there, but there is often little reward forthcoming from any source. At such times, many people fail to remember that a temporary loss of status through unemployment does not mean a permanent loss of talent or competence. Instead, it should be a time of review, retraining and redirection in order to claim a sufficient share of the essential elements of success.

Being famous or wealthy are extremes of success as not everyone can be well known or filthy rich. Yet many people mistakenly define success purely in terms of money. If you are still unhappy after making your millions, you are not really successful. Despite the fact that some people earn a salary and drive an expensive company car (rewards), some are still unhappy in their jobs. Such unfulfilled people lack the other essential elements (continuous recognition and genuine respect) for the part they play in the overall success, reputation and smooth running of the organisation.

Teachers tend to be particularly bad in this area. They have few rewards (either through salary or promotion) unless they are very senior; they get little recognition (unless the school has a good 'reputation') and the fruits of their actions are not immediately apparent until the results of exams are known. With the continuing debate on underachievement and indiscipline with certain sectors of society, teachers are always in the spotlight, ready scapegoats for failed education policies and deviant student behaviour.

Teachers and their discontent
Regardless of how committed they are, many teachers regard their work as a career which they sometimes enjoy, yet they are not able to say precisely why this enjoyment is not more consistent. They might blame low morale, hard work, poor pay and lack of self-fulfilment. But even if they were rewarded with the greatest pay rise in history, it would not improve their situation in the long term after the initial euphoria. The extra money might temporarily sweeten the pill of discontent and resentment but it would not resolve the endemic problem of low morale and lack of self-esteem. There would still be precious little appreciation of their efforts through recognition and they would still have little respect due to the need for scapegoats for society's ills.

Each time you attempt a given task, whether in the home or at work, if you feel disappointed with it or any feeling of resentment, this could be because you have not been given either recognition, respect and/or reward for your efforts. You might have been criticised, or your efforts taken for granted, which means no recognition. There was probably no respect due to the lack of deserved credit, or not being taken seriously in your suggestions, or, most likely, there has been little or no tangible reward (through praise, money or otherwise) for your input.

We are all after one crucial thing in our lives: RESPECT. We respect people for what they do, their birthright and the role they play, because we recognise them for doing it. If we did not acknowledge and validate them as the source of that status, action or expertise, we would not show them respect.

Respect isn't automatic either, after the initial first impressions. It has to be earned over time. It is difficult to respect someone even when they are being negative and hostile so we tend to wait for people to 'earn' that respect, though it tends to be 'given' at the beginning. A kind of respect with probation.

Neither does respect come easily. The very act of respecting someone means putting them either on par, or above, ourselves, in estimation. We tend to respect people only when we personally recognise them as the source of a particular knowledge, action, expertise and leadership, not just through their work or social status. We have to feel we can trust them. That is why some people who are simply 'in charge', and have failed professional expectations, are not respected.

We have to believe someone is responsible for some display of talent, special activity or earned status before we are inclined to give due recognition, followed by respect through personal admiration and trust. Respect is likely to come through any, or all, of the following seven sources:

1. Fulfilling another person's expectations (i:e making their wishes come true).

2. Being better at a special task or skill.

3. Being knowledgeable in a particular subject, like a media or academic 'expert'.

4. Having a unique position by virtue of birth (the Queen) or for very special achievements (a great sportsperson).

5. Helping others to achieve their goals (perceived as having 'power' and 'influence')

6. Having a reputation for being generous and kind (like rich philanthropists funding selective social projects).

7. Being a successful, self-made person with the freedom of action and personal control desired by others (Richard Branson of Virgin and Oprah Winfrey, for example).

Facing Challenges
For example, Bob Geldof was just another pop singer until he launched LiveAid. It was an unusual and ambitious idea but it galvamised his colleagues into action and has been enormously successful. He had the confidence to do it, despite the huge organisational problems which were anticipated. The subsequent advantages of the huge amount of money and the impact it made in Africa not only vindicated his initiative, but it also led to enormous publicity and countless other imitations.

No matter what he does now, the respect for Bob's action will always be there, raising his status far above ordinary mortals. His being fiercely individual and non-conformist comes as no surprise. You have to believe in yourself and others to generate real confidence and commitment and be prepared to lead from a lonely position of self-belief; to take risks and face challenges, regardless of scepticism and the consequences perceived.

Without respect from others we have problems of adjustment, feelings of insignificance and alienation, loss of confidence and low expectations. In other words, little likelihoood of success. This explains why some minority groups perceive themselves to be outside of the mainstream instead of being a vital part of the action. Not recognised for their individual competence or endeavours, except in terms of their race, disability, religion, age or sexuality, they cannot contribute in the same meaningful terms to the wider society until their recognition becomes more professional and less personalised.

It is also difficult to succeed entirely on our own because success is defined by the recognition of our action and the sense of achievement which accompanies it. We can be mad scientists creating new gadgets every day which might personally benefit us, but unless others share those advantages in some way, our genius will never be recognised. Others would get the glory and respect for our inventions. We would only be successful in our own eyes and this is not sufficient in itself to allow us to make a social impact.

Every new year brings a freshness of promise, of hope and the opportunity to change our lives to something more in tune with what we wish to be. Hence many people make resolutions they feel they want to keep; resolutions around losing weight, giving up smoking, getting that new job or giving up that old one, or even breaking off that unfulfilling relationship and being more independent, for example. This time of the the year galvanises us into action to change ourselves in some way.

However, a few days or weeks into the year and most people will find it really difficult to keep to the promises they made themselves earlier on. It is not because they have changed their minds, or they haven't got the genuine intention to succeed in achieving their desires. Not at all. Something else they haven't even though of would be blocking their success and preventing them from reaching their goal. In a nutshell, they are concentrating on changing their behaviour instead of their values or mindset and it just won't work.

Behaviour is dictated by values and values are formed by beliefs. Those three elements work in strict tandem. It means if we wish for our behaviour to change, we have to start with our beliefs. We really cannot just change our behaviour and do nothing else. We have to change those beliefs we have about the issue, which will then affect our values which ultimately changes our behaviour. For example, if I really wish to make my health better and lessen the effect of diabetes on me, I cannot see chocolate, per se, as harmless food. I have to view it as something deadly and dangerous to my existence. Once I treat chocolate like virtual poison (changing my beliefs) I will then have a value that says chocolate is not something I eat which then stops me from buying it and having it. In that way, I would keep my resolution to improve the state of my illness.

The same with smoking or weight loss. If you wish to give up smoking, it really matters WHY you are giving it up. If it is to save money, to stop having to deal with the smell of it, or because you will be 'better' for it, you won't succeed in your effort because those are not really important, survival reasons that the body will recognise. Those are social reasons. The good thoughts around cigarettes and why you smoke them in the first place will still be hovering in your subconscious. They will override the other thoughts you have of giving up.

Until you can start imagining the BAD effects of smoking; visualising it in a very negative way so that it is stripped of all its attraction and your BELIEFS around cigarettes changes to match its dangers, you will merely go through the motions for a few weeks, craving it like hell, then going back to it later in time. Until you change your beliefs and values around cigarettes, switching from accepting them, per se, to rejecting them as potential danger to your survival, any stoppage will merely be temporary.

Have you made any New Year's resolutions? If they haven't worked this could explain why.